College · Life

better things ahead

You know all those shows about broke twenty-somethings whose desperation, horrible luck, and constant threat of mental breakdowns lead to a world of chaos? Never have I understood those wrecks called human beings better than I do now.

I am officially done with school. After 16 years, it feels kind of weird, but it’s also the greatest feeling in the world. No more research papers? No more depressing novels? No tests? Yes, please. But, with this great weight lifted off my shoulders, I now have room for a plethora of new problems. No job + No money = No fun.

Looking for a job is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Of course, I didn’t assume it was going to be easy, but I wasn’t expecting this. Half the time I feel like I’m going insane. The other half is spent in my pajamas binge watching Netflix and trying to resist the giant chocolate bar sitting on my side table.

With 2016 behind me, with a shiny medal for “Worst Year Yet,” I can only hope that there are better things ahead. Either way, 2017 is definitely going to be one to remember. It’s destiny. Assuming I don’t spend the entire year jobless, I can Β look forward to starting a new job, moving out of my parents house (Hallelujah!), and basically figuring out who I am as a person. When you’re the youngest child out of ten, and you’ve spent your entire life living in the same house, in the same small town, with the same people, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are.

For now, all I can do is wait. It’s the most frustrating feeling in the world. At least I have plenty of time to prepare myself for the black hole that is adulthood. Wish me luck.

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Books · Life · Words

quote of the day

“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”

-Carson McCullers, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

College · Life

watching and waiting

This past year has been one to remember. Really, it has. My sister got engaged, married, and moved to the City Β within a 5 month period. (Super fun. Not stressful at all.) And, I also started my senior year at college. Just three more months, and I am free. Again, not stressful at all. (Am I fooling you?)

Okay, so not a lot has happened, but what did happen was pretty big. I had some pretty big, life-changing moments going on this past year. And, there are many more to come.

With everything that’s changed, and everything that’s yet to change, I’ve found myself becoming more and more nostalgic. It’s hard for me not to miss the way things used to be. When you’re the youngest of ten children, growing up can be…hard. I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life watching the people I love slowly leave. Now, I’m all alone in a house that used to be bursting with life.

Rather tragic really.

As fate would have it, today’s “October photo challenge” was “baby picture.” So, of course, pouring over the literally hundreds of photos my mother has collected over the years brought more than a few memories. I didn’t get teary-eyed or anything, cause I love not having to share a room, but it did make me miss my happy childhood. Especially now, as I enter the next, possibly the most important, chapter of my adult life. Which is kind of terrifying.

But, not only do I miss the people who have left me behind, I’m also a bit jealous. I’m on the edge of a precipice, one I’ve watched so many people jump off of. But I can’t follow them. Not yet. I have to wait.

But, I’m almost there.

Uncategorized

i do?

In my last couple of posts, I’ve mentioned some of the changes that have been popping up in my life recently. One of these changes is the upcoming marriage of my sister, Bethany.

Bethany, as annoying as she can be with her tricksy, pixie-like ways, is still one of my best friends, and I was more than happy to except my role as “Maid of Honor,” and all of the responsibilities that come along with it. Recently, however, I’ve begun to realize just what I’ve gotten myself into.

Not only is it my responsibility to help the bride-to-be to find dresses, plan the wedding and reception, and maintain some semblance of sanity, it’s also my responsibility to plan the bridal shower and the infamous bachelorette party. Talk about nerve-wracking. Oh! And it’s apparently also in my “job description” to help label wedding invites, as my sister just reminded me via text. You know, the older I get, the more appealing elopement sounds.

Ah, marriage.

Now I’m not saying that I’m not enjoying my role in this fiasco, but it’s a bit stressful. I want everything to be amazing and fun. And, not to brag or anything, but I do have a bit of a reputation of being kind of awesome and amazingly fun and hilarious, so it’s a lot to live up to. But, I suppose it has given me a legitimate excuse to spend hours on my computer listening to music while perusing Pinterest for inspiration and creating fun invites. Which I should probably get back to doing. Wish me luck!

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I couldn’t resist a Lord of the Rings meme.
Uncategorized

the beginning of the end

Finals are over, summer is here, and I finally have some space to breathe and think freely. And to write.

Sadly, and I never thought I would use that word in this context, this is my last summer before I graduate college. I’ve enrolled for my summer and fall classes, and I am on the fast track to the real world. I’ve been so keen to get through college as quickly as I can, and now that I’m on the last lap, I kind of wish I wasn’t. Strange, huh? I can only blame it on my semi-recent entrance into the terrifying (and not nearly as fun as it looked) sphere of adulthood.

Have you ever heard the saying “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?” It’s a quote from my favorite author, C. S. Lewis. It’s been annoyingly buzzing around in my head like a fat persistent bumble bee this past week. With looking at everything that’s about to change, it’s hard not to look back and realize how much has already changed. It feels like just yesterday that I graduated high school. Ironically, the quote above is the same one I used in my valedictorian speech. History does have a knack of repeating itself, doesn’t it?

I would like nothing better than to block out all of this and spend my summer drinking sweet iced tea, baking cookies, reading, and spending a ridiculous amount of time on Pinterest. But, life has a way of knocking you back to reality. Everywhere I turn there’s a reminder of everything that’s different, and everything that’s so soon to change. I’ve never been a huge fan of change, but I think I’ve reached to the point of no return. I think it’s high time I start embracing the wave of change that’s been swirling around me for so long, to embrace my responsibilities as an adult and really start thinking about my future.

Now, I don’t want you guys to worry. I still fully intend to bake cookies and spend ridiculous amount of time of Pinterest. I am determined that in my embrace of adulthood I shan’t abandon the sarcastic, awkward, daydreaming child within me. Not that I could even if I tried. She’s a stubborn little bugger.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I think I’ll go rock out to some Disney tunes and look at pictures of cats on the internet. I’m just kidding. I don’t like cats that much.