College · Life · Steps to Adulthood

2017: a review

Oh, 2017. I just can’t seem to make myself feel sad that you’re gone.

In general, 2017 was pretty crappy. It brought a lot of let downs and disappointments, some strained personal relationships, and a few nights crying alone in my room. I reached my peak of poor physical health, my iPod got stolen out of my car, and one of my sisters moved away.

However, I can’t say that last year was all bad. I now have a new adorably puffy-cheeked niece. I was able to afford a big, comfy bed, as well a shiny new used car named Charlie. I finally conquered my fears by driving long distance on the interstate (Yes, I’m a loser). I got my first tattoo. I took some good pictures. I found a new show, read some new books, and bought some new songs. I also received a sloth doll for Christmas. His name is Noel.

Plus, I can now say that I survived an entire year in the grown-up world.

Yep. It’s official. My first year as an out of college semi-official adult is over, and I don’t quite know how to feel about that.

It’s hard for me to believe that I’ve actually been out of college for a year.  Just think about it. It’s been a entire year since I last had to write a paper or study for a test. A year since my last lecture and my last badly misguided all-nighter. All throughout high school, I couldn’t wait to just get the whole school thing done and over with. I thought I would never get out, but here I am. It’s weird. Yet, very freeing. And, also, slightly terrifying as I’m still a complete novice at this whole adult thing.

Those first few months of freedom were pretty great. No school. No waking up early. I could stay in pajamas all day if I wanted to. The downsides of being jobless, however, soon caught up with me. It kind of sucked not having any money. No money equals no fun. That was a hard lesson to learn. Adulthood seemed a lot cooler when I was a kid.

The constant nagging from my mother to get a job also helped to pretty thoroughly destroy any of that post-college, pre-real world giddiness.

My first job offer caused a lot of relief, terror, nervousness, hope, and sadness all at the same time. It kind of made me dizzy. On the upside: Yay! A job! On the downside: Mediocre pay and boring work. However, I accepted it, telling myself that this first job was just going to be temporary. It was a way to make some money while searching for a job that I might actually enjoy, and one that I could actually support myself on (Yes, I still live with my parents. Don’t judge.) But, here I still am. 8 months later.

It’s not for lack of trying. These last few months have been spent applying for job after job after job and receiving denial after denial after denial. I may finally know where I want to be, but I can’t seem to find the road to get there. It’s disheartening. Still, I hope. Hope is hard to kill, my friends. It’s a wonderful curse.

Anyways, I’m just glad that 2017 is over.

If pure force of will can affect how this new year goes, then I can go ahead and tell you right now that it’s going to be amazing.

You hear that strange rumbling noise? That’s the sound of my determination.

Bring it on, 2018.

College · Life

better things ahead

You know all those shows about broke twenty-somethings whose desperation, horrible luck, and constant threat of mental breakdowns lead to a world of chaos? Never have I understood those wrecks called human beings better than I do now.

I am officially done with school. After 16 years, it feels kind of weird, but it’s also the greatest feeling in the world. No more research papers? No more depressing novels? No tests? Yes, please. But, with this great weight lifted off my shoulders, I now have room for a plethora of new problems. No job + No money = No fun.

Looking for a job is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Of course, I didn’t assume it was going to be easy, but I wasn’t expecting this. Half the time I feel like I’m going insane. The other half is spent in my pajamas binge watching Netflix and trying to resist the giant chocolate bar sitting on my side table.

With 2016 behind me, with a shiny medal for “Worst Year Yet,” I can only hope that there are better things ahead. Either way, 2017 is definitely going to be one to remember. It’s destiny. Assuming I don’t spend the entire year jobless, I can  look forward to starting a new job, moving out of my parents house (Hallelujah!), and basically figuring out who I am as a person. When you’re the youngest child out of ten, and you’ve spent your entire life living in the same house, in the same small town, with the same people, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are.

For now, all I can do is wait. It’s the most frustrating feeling in the world. At least I have plenty of time to prepare myself for the black hole that is adulthood. Wish me luck.

College · Life

watching and waiting

This past year has been one to remember. Really, it has. My sister got engaged, married, and moved to the City  within a 5 month period. (Super fun. Not stressful at all.) And, I also started my senior year at college. Just three more months, and I am free. Again, not stressful at all. (Am I fooling you?)

Okay, so not a lot has happened, but what did happen was pretty big. I had some pretty big, life-changing moments going on this past year. And, there are many more to come.

With everything that’s changed, and everything that’s yet to change, I’ve found myself becoming more and more nostalgic. It’s hard for me not to miss the way things used to be. When you’re the youngest of ten children, growing up can be…hard. I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life watching the people I love slowly leave. Now, I’m all alone in a house that used to be bursting with life.

Rather tragic really.

As fate would have it, today’s “October photo challenge” was “baby picture.” So, of course, pouring over the literally hundreds of photos my mother has collected over the years brought more than a few memories. I didn’t get teary-eyed or anything, cause I love not having to share a room, but it did make me miss my happy childhood. Especially now, as I enter the next, possibly the most important, chapter of my adult life. Which is kind of terrifying.

But, not only do I miss the people who have left me behind, I’m also a bit jealous. I’m on the edge of a precipice, one I’ve watched so many people jump off of. But I can’t follow them. Not yet. I have to wait.

But, I’m almost there.


free no more

Hello all!

You forgot about me didn’t you? That’s okay. I almost forgot about you too. Sorry. It took some prodding from my best friend and my sister/fellow blogger* to pull me out of my blogger’s slump. Plus, today seemed like a good day to start writing again.

Since it’s been a while, I thought I should catch you up on things.

First off: my sister finally got married! I can now put “Successful Maid of Honor” on my resume.

Second: My summer didn’t go quite as planned. I still don’t know how to play the piano. I still have a long list of projects waiting to be done. And, as you know, it’s been weeks since my last post. I have a bad habit of making a ton of plans, and then getting distracted by other things.

I wonder what that says about me? (Please don’t answer that question.)

Lastly: Summer is officially over. I am once again a slave to my education. Today was the first day of my last semester at college. Yep. You read that right folks. In 116 days and counting I will be an unofficial official adult. It’s a pretty scary thought, really. Well, at least for the adult world. I don’t think they’re ready for me.

Although I’ll be drowning in star charts, ancient literature, 18th C. novels, and research papers over the next few months, I’ll make sure to pop in every once in a while. But, for now, it is time for bed. Being around so many people all day is exhausting.

*Check out my sister’s awesome blog, Beauty and the Mess, here.